The Shaky Ground of Grief

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? We’ve lived in California most of our lives and have had the unsettling experience of realizing the earth isn’t always as stable as we think it should be.

In your current state of grief, you may have a sense of being on shaky ground - as though you are stumbling your way through an emotional quake. If so, you are in good company. When you experience the painful and difficult loss of a loved one, you may question virtually everything, making your world unstable. 

Your view of the world around you will naturally differ somewhat from anyone else’s. Your worldview has been, in part, shaped by your relationship with your lost loved one. The closer that person is to you, and the deeper your relationship, the more your worldview will be shaken up by the loss of the person.

In reality, your world is full of variables, inconsistencies and the potential for constant change. As a human being, however, you naturally desire a “sense of stability” about your surroundings, including your relationships, if you are to function well. Most of us will instinctually try to create constancy and reliability in our lives - in the interest of our sanity. 

When a big part of your reality is removed from your world, especially losing someone important and close to you, your sensation of stability in your world is understandably shaken. Sometimes people refer to a loved one as “my rock,” “my heart” or even “my world?” While these are simply terms of endearment, they communicate how vital another person can be to your sense of stability and security. 

It makes sense then, doesn’t it, to feel some instability in your life after experiencing a loss? Allow yourself to feel and acknowledge the lack of stability, examine all your loved one has meant to you, and give yourself a lot of grace as you sort this out. In some ways, your world has truly been shaken.  In time, you will find stable ground again, but the first step is simply to acknowledge the profound impact losing your loved one has had on you.  

Questions to Ponder:

• Has the loss of your loved one left you on shaky ground? Try to describe what that feels like in your own words.
• What specific insecurities are you feeling at this time? Who might be able to help you with even one small thing so you can feel a bit more secure?